Poem from today.

I wrote this at a first communion party for my partner's niece. It was the first time meeting the majority of his family. I had b/p'd the night before at Sandra's birthday party at Lula Lounge and I was still in that headspace. I was there eating lots of food with all of these people watching... they could see me eating... and I absolutely hated it. While Evo was talking to Nelson about wines, I quickly typed this out on my phone.

All I wanna do is binge and purge.

Cut my skin

and bleed me thin

Gouge my eyes

of hidden lies

and wash away

the pain of May

To lick the wounds,

begin anew,

and wish for better thoughts renewed.

The time is now

to rid the cow

of dirt and sin

and start again.

A-men.

And guess what I did. I b'd. And haven't purged. :( I hate myself. I want to die. I am so sick of this cycle. I am shit and not worth anything. I want to keep b'ing. Fucking shit fuck motherfucker.