Can't Stop

2:15am, on a Sunday night. Gotta be up for 6am tomorrow. Can't sleep, can't shut off, can't stop. I binged on a bag of chips, box of cookies, and sour gummie candy. Told myself today would be my cheat day, to just relax and enjoy it. Didn't/haven't purged. Suicidal thoughts came back. Helium tanks from Home Depot and high quality nylon rope look enticing. Almost succulent. Holding a rolled joint in my mouth, about to smoke it. I think my boyfriend hates me but I love him. Love is so fucked. I think this is the first time I truly feel it and it is brutal. Fuck love. I love love. Good night.